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8 Easy Tips for Crucial Conversations

American�s fear of medical errors is justified. Now the eighth leading cause of death in the United States, medical error ranks higher than car accidents (43,458), breast cancer (42,297) or AIDS (16,516), as reported by the Institute of Medicine in its 220-page report To Err is Human: Building a Safer Health System.

Approximately 7,000 deaths each year are attributed to medication errors. In fact, medication-related error is one of the most common types of error, and of primary concern to nurses who administer medications, as well as to the practitioner who prescribes medications and the pharmacist who dispenses them.

�Why is it that 98,000 hospital deaths each year stem from human error,� asks Joseph Grenny, co-author of Crucial Conversations, Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High. �In part because many health care professionals are afraid to speak their minds,� he asserts.

The Joint Commission Report on National Patient Safety says that surgical accidents can be prevented with active communication.

Not all hospitals adhere to this policy, but many are making strides to improve patient safety. �We have known for years that the ability to handle crucial conversations well determines an organization�s performance, efficiency and the quality of its products,� Grenny said. �Now, we have hard evidence these same skills may make the difference between being healed and being seriously hurt when you visit your local hospital.�

Grenny and team spent 25 years studying the nation�s most effective communicators; the culmination of their research pinpoints the skills needed to master high stakes interactions and is embodied in Crucial Conversations.

If you�re like most people, scarcely a day passes that you don�t face a difficult conversation. You know the type�stakes are high, opinions vary and emotions run strong. Below are eight tips extracted from the best-seller Crucial Conversations designed to turn crucial conversations into experiences that produce strong results and build relationships.

1. When do I need a crucial conversation?

Anytime you�re stuck � when a professional or personal relationship goes into a rut, or you�re having trouble achieving results in your team or organization � ask �What conversations are we not facing or not facing well that are keeping us stuck?� A Crucial Conversation will help both parties break through to new levels of under-standing and commitment.

2. How do I stay focused during a crucial conversation?

Before entering your crucial conversation, ask �What do I really want for me? What do I really want for others? What do I really want for the relationship?� The clearer you are about your goals, the less you�ll be controlled by your fears.

3. How do I catch warning signs of trouble before it�s too late?

When others move to silence (withdrawing, masking, avoiding) or violence (controlling, labeling, verbal attacking), these are signs that others don�t feel safe. Learn to look for silence or violence � signs that safety is at risk. When crucial conversations turn ugly, the problem is not too much candor, it�s too little safety. With enough safety, you can talk about anything.

4. How do I make it safe to talk about anything?

People don�t get defensive because of the content of what you�re saying. They get defensive because of the intent they perceive behind it. When others become defensive, stop talking about the issue and clarify your purpose. Help them understand your motives by sharing what you really want out of this conversation for you, for them and for the relationship (See #2).

5. How can I master my emotions?

Master your emotions by getting to their root. We make ourselves upset during crucial conversations when we 1.) cover up or ignore our role in creating the problems we�re discussing and 2.) exaggerate others� role in the problems by attributing the worst possible motive to them. Ask yourself 1.) What am I pretending not to know about my role? and 2.) Why would a reasonable, rational and decent person do what the other person is doing?

6. How can I be persuasive but not abrasive?

Start with the facts. Instead of launching with your emotions, begin by sharing the facts. Describe the concrete and objective experiences (what others said or did�not what you think about what they said or did) that created your concerns. For example, start with, �In the meeting you referred to the proposal as �My idea.�� Don�t start with �You back-stabbing jerk, you took complete credit for our proposal in there!� When you start with your facts, you help others see how a reasonable, rational and decent person would think and feel as you do. When they come to this realization, it is harder for them to become defensive at even the most controversial things you have to say.

7. How can I explore others� views?

The easiest way to reduce defensiveness? LISTENING. Spend as much time exploring how others see the issues as you spend sharing your own. Exploring means that you are genuinely curious about others� views. Your goal is not necessarily to agree with them, but instead to discover how a reasonable, rational and decent person would think and feel as they do. The more curious you become, the safer others will feel and the less likely you are to get hooked by  what they say.

8. How can I end it well?

End with clear expectations. Don�t be satisfied with just good talk. Move to action by ensuring everyone is crystal clear about how to get the issue resolved once and for all. Come to specific agreement about who is going to do what by when. Then agree when you�ll follow up to see that you and others have kept these commitments. Clear agreements and disciplined accountability turn great conversations into great results.

"8 Easy Tips for Crucial Conversations" � VitalSmarts, a Southam Consulting, LLC strategic partner.

Facing a Crucial Conversation? Don't know how to start? Contact Southam Consulting.

� Southam Consulting, LLC, 2004